It's weird for me to be back to work and back to (almost) routine. To go about life and continue on with it as if everything is normal when a doctor can't ever tell you that your husband's cancer is gone. For "regular cancers" (more common ones at least), doctors can normally say that if you go seven years with normal scans then you are "cancer free." From what we can tell right now, they will never be able to say that for Mucinous Adenocarcinoma patients. There is a slight chance that the rules may change, but we will always have this lurking possibility of returning abdominal "mucous" creeping around the back of our minds.

If Nick's diagnosis had come twenty years ago, we would have been completely out of luck. They would have sent us home, advised us to get Nick's legal affairs in order and asked us to make him comfortable. We wouldn't have had a chance. The HIPEC surgery has only been around for about 18 years. For many people treated with HIPEC for the first 7 years or so, the results were less than successful. Surgeons weren't experienced and they weren't sure which versions of PMP (psuedomyxoma peritonea) it would help. Over the last 11 years, people have been getting better and better results. There are a few people that have gone 8 years (and counting) without a return of the disease. We will always hold onto the hope that we may become a part of that club. As we go and as Nick's recovery continues, we will add additional weeks, then months, then years to our length of time without treatment. Instead of looking behind, we will always be looking ahead. Looking ahead to the people that got the surgery 8 years before and follow them in their record-setting ways.

I will never understand why some people get sick and others don't. I will never understand why some people beat cancer and others can't. But, I do believe that one day, it will all make sense. I am training my thoughts. I am dwelling on the positive and striving to forget about all things negative. I want to be forever present for Nick. Present in each day. Present in each moment. When I feel myself starting to get anxious, I continually return to the verse that Nick chose for his fight against cancer... "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

[IMPORTANT Prayer Request: This week, I am asking you all to pray for my friends Joyce and Ron. Ron is a retired military veteran and he and Joyce have been married for over 40 years and live in Arizona. Ron was diagnosed with the same cancer as Nick (mucinous adenocarcinoma of the appendix) about a week after Nick. He went in to get his HIPEC surgery on Monday and they found that his cancer had already spread too far. His mucous was deemed "non operable." They are starting him on intravenous chemotherapy to see if it can help. But doctors told Joyce on Monday that they aren't giving Ron very long. Ron knows our Lord and is a strong man and I thank Jesus for that. But, please pray that he is comfortable and for the chemo to work a miracle. Pray for Joyce and their son, Tim. I can't help thinking that this could have been us. This could have been our story. I would hope that you would join me in prayer and lifting up Ron and his family. Feel free to leave a comment on this blog or email it to me at alyssa.magnotti@gmail.com and I will forward it on to Joyce for her to read if she would like.]